


I Just Can't

by reddies_eggos1711



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, SO SORRY, and sad, apparently the byers moved away and then came back??, as you'd expect, but it doesn't really matter i guess, byler, byler angst? sure, current mileven, i honestly don't know why I wrote this, mike is sad and it makes me sad, mike once called will a fag on accident and he's never forgotten that, not particularly canon, or why i wrote it in present tense i'm sorry, past byler, so i guess they're aged up, so like stuff is mentioned but that's it, will breaks mike down by bringing up what they used to do together, will is mad because he doesn't know mike is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 14:27:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21495778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddies_eggos1711/pseuds/reddies_eggos1711
Summary: Will’s not smiling anymore. Not even a little. He knows it’s irrational because Mike is allowed to talk about his girlfriend. But he can’t help himself. Mike is trash to Will at this point in the conversation.“I’ve never felt anything like this with anyone before. El makes me feel things that no one else has ever come close to.”Both Mike and Will know that's not true and Will just can't listen to these lies anymore.
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Comments: 12
Kudos: 82





	I Just Can't

**Author's Note:**

> dunno why i wrote this byler angst trash but go wild  
so out of character that i don't know what to do with myself but who cares  
(edit: apparently i'm killing all the byler shippers and i'm sorry)

He hears their song playing and it makes him smile.

But then he hears Mike’s voice and suddenly he’s not smiling.

“This song always reminds me of you, El. It’s like… our song.”

Will’s not smiling anymore. Not even a little. He knows it’s irrational because _Mike isn’t his anymore._ But he can’t help himself. The last few lines of _‘I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore’ _play out and it feels like Will’s heart does the same. ‘_It’s like… our song.’_ Will can feel his eyes fogging up and he tries to blink away the tears before they surface. That’s what Mike had said to him.

One night, when they lay beside each other just content breathing in the warmth of each other and listening to the soft waves of tunes from the radio. _‘I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore’_ came on and Mike began to hum.

“This… this is like… our song. You know?” And he began to sing. “_Cuz I can’t fight this feeling anymore.”_

Will decides his question for his sister isn’t as important as he thought and he turns away. He can’t listen to Mike tell his new girlfriend that his song – _Will’s and Mike’s –_ was now hers.

_He just can’t._

…

He hears a knock at the door and he thinks it’s Jonathan and is happy.

But then he sees who’s on the other side of the door and suddenly he’s not happy.

“Hi, Will.”

Will’s not happy anymore. Not even a little. He knows it’s irrational because _Mike is still his friend._ But he can’t help himself. Seeing Mike after all he’s pushed under the rug is stretching the limits of Will’s tolerance. Still, he puts on a fake smile and gestures for him to enter.

“Mike. Hi. Come on in.”

Mike steps inside but doesn’t go further than that, as though he’s a demon stopped by a line of salt. Or more accurately, he’s Mike stopped by the fear of his (_ex_) best friend.

“So, what’s up?”

Mike seems to jolt back to reality as if he had left at some point. “Oh, yeah… You remember that mix tape I lent you?”

_Lent you._

Will freezes. He can’t believe he’s just heard that come from Mike’s own mouth. _Lent you._

He knows exactly which tape he means and he did not _lend it to him_. It was a gift. He gave it to him as a special gift.

(_“I made you something… something special… like you… it’s a gift. Here, take it.”_)

It wasn’t lent.

But Will plays along. “Yeah, yeah. I know it.”

Mike is blushing. An awkward blush though, not the sweet blush Will is used to seeing. “Well, I was wondering if I could have it back? Totally fine if not.” Mike’s face says it’s not _totally fine._

“I’m not gonna lie, Mike. I lost that in the move back here. I’m sorry. I wish I could help.” But he is lying. The cassette is sitting in his player at this second, still with _their_ song on repeat.

“Oh. That’s okay. It was just for El so it’s cool. Sorry to bother you.”

_Sorry to bother you_.

If they are still friends at all, seeing each other shouldn’t be a bother. And definitely shouldn’t require an apology.

Are they friends?

They had every right to be. They hadn’t left on bad terms or anything.

But are they?

Mike leaves unnecessarily quickly and Will is upset.

He tries to be excited when his brother returns home. But he can’t.

_He just can’t._

…

He hears the Party having fun and that makes him smile.

But then Mike is talking and suddenly he’s not smiling.

Will’s not smiling anymore. Not even a little. He knows it’s irrational because _Mike is allowed to talk about his girlfriend._ But he can’t help himself. Mike is trash to Will at this point in the conversation.

“I’ve never felt anything like this with anyone before. El makes me feel things that no one else has ever come close to.”

He’s about to continue but Will has to stop him. “Mike, can I talk to you?” He is scowling but he can’t tell.

“Sure.”

His scowl deepens. “Outside. Alone.”

Mike looks scared but nods. They stand and step outside the room.

“So, what’s up?”

“You think it means nothing now, don't you? You think just because you've moved on, got a pretty girlfriend, that what we had meant nothing?” Will knows his face is red with anger but he can’t find it in him to care. 

Mike’s face is also red, but not out of anger. “It _does_ mean nothing, Will. I'm sorry but I'm not gay...” 

Will scoffs. “Oh yeah _clearly_, you were just "acting" very gay with me, I get it.” 

Mike is embarrassed, Will can tell. “You know... I was lonely and you were just… there.”

“You're not helping your case.”

“I –”

“It doesn't matter anyway. You'll never admit it but I know you miss me.” Will takes a step closer to Mike, growing angrier when he sees him flinch back a step. “You miss me being at your every command.”

Mike visibly pales and for some reason Will finds satisfaction in that.

“You miss being rough with me, I can see that… El's not a fan of rough things, you're out of luck there, pretty boy.” Will’s words were thick and acidic. “You miss being able to do things you can't do with her, don't you?”

Will takes another step towards him. This time he doesn’t step back but Will sees him gulp and notices the shine to his skin. He’s sweating.

“Oh and I know you miss how I used to touch you.” He doesn’t know why he’s saying these things. Maybe he just likes the way it makes Mike nervous. “How I make you choke? She can’t make you choke, can she? I _know _she can’t do that. You miss what I used to do to you. Admit it.”

Mike avoids eye contact.

“Even things that she can do too… you miss with me, don’t you? How I give you head? Don't even lie. What is it you say? Something about "it's bad" when it’s a boy's lips wrapped around you and that makes it so much better? Don't think I don't remember these things.” Will changes from sultry to mad again in an instant. “Besides... I've heard that _faggots_ give pretty good head, your fucking highness.”

Mike seems to calm himself as well, immediately getting defensive. “Will, you know I didn't mean to call you that.”

“Yeah, but you did.” Will hisses, stepping back slightly. “I see your true colours, Mike. I do. And you are so far deep in the fucking closet that being a dick to me about it is the only way you can cope.” 

“Will –”

“I know you love El and that's fine, but you can't say that what we had wasn't real. It was. I'd know. I can't tell you what to do... But please for the sake of yourself... Stop pretending.”

“But –”

“Just try.”

Will intends to leave. He intends to head back inside, but Mike stops him.

Will notices when Mike grabs his arm. He looks up at him.

“I – I can’t…”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

Will thinks he sees tears in Mike’s eyes. “I just can’t. Yes, I know what I felt for you was real, trust me… I love you… and I love what you do to me and, yes, I realise what that makes me. But I just can’t admit it. I can’t tell anyone.”

Will moves closer again and places his hand on Mike’s which still held his arm.

“I love you… but I also love El which means I’m not like you. It means I have the choice to block out the other part and just be… straight.”

Will feels his breath hitch in his throat.

“So, yes, I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m a fucking asshole who can’t cope with his own existence. I swear you’re not a fag and I’d never sanely say that to you. I’m sorry that I gave El our song and I’m sorry I asked for your cassette back. I’m sorry I ended things but I was so scared that someone would find out… I’m sorry about everything.”

Surprising Will right through to his bones, Mike leans in and presses the sweetest, softest, most sincere kiss to his lips he’d ever had the (_mis_)fortune to experience.

Mike pulls back and Will sees the tears running down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry but I can’t.”

_I just can’t._

**Author's Note:**

> yo thnx


End file.
